Friday, June 12, 2009

Journey

I've decided to title this entry "Journey" because I'm going to start Journaling about my Journey. My weight loss/exercise addiction/get healthy journey. I'm not sure that many people read this blog anymore, but that's okay. It's going to be more for my own personal growth. If you happen to read, I hope it helps or motivates you in some way. I've been on this journey most of my life. From about 6th grade on, I started struggling with my weight. In high school, I lost 30 lbs and stayed a decent weight till I left for college. It was all down hill from there...freshman 15 turned into 30....60... and 15 years after graduating college, I'm currently about 100 pounds overweight. Actually, It was worse...I've lost 25. So, as I keep plugging through this journey to overcome my weight, I think it will be helpful for me to write about it.

This leg of the journey started 8 months ago when my ladies group talked about walking the Indy Mini. I couldn't imagine at that time being able to do this, but I didn't want to be left out and I thought a big goal like this could possibly help keep me motivated to work out. The accountability of everyone knowing I was trying to do this didn't hurt either. So, I joined the Wellness Center and began walking. At first I couldn't walk 1 mile in 25 min without tears. I was tired, sore and out of breath. I had a lot of pain in my shins which has always been a stumbling block. So, on the advice of a friend, I decided to go to the Good Feet store in Indy to see what they could do for me. The inserts were very expensive and I was very nervous about this, but they literally worked a miracle. I was now able to walk without extreme pain and slowly I was able to increase my time and my pace. As most of you know, I walked the race in May and finished. I wasn't super fast, but I didn't get picked up by the slow bus, and that was my main goal.

I was pleased with my progress, but very disappointed in my weight loss. I had only lost about 12 lbs during all that training. Sadly, I worked hard, but I didn't eat very well so I didn't see much progress in the weight loss which was my main purpose. A few weeks before the race a contest was announced at our gym. It was a biggest Loser contest and would involve biweekly training sessions with the gym's trainer, Ryan. I thought maybe this would help. Well, I finished the 8 weeks. I didn't quit (which is nothing short of a miracle). Many people quit. This was by far the hardest thing I had ever done. Ryan pushed me to limits I didn't know were possible...but still I only lost 10 pounds. So, I'm up to 22 pounds. I had lost about 3 since the start of the school year, so I'm claiming 25 lbs lost from my heaviest weight to date at this point. Although I didn't win the contest, I won something much more valuable. I developed a sense of pride in the fact that I can work hard. I am capable of way more than I ever thought and if I'll just quit letting food rule my world, I could probably kick this weight.

During this time, I talked with Ryan several times about a new goal. I felt kind of lost now that my walk was complete. He started encouraging me to run...now if you know me at all, you're probably having a good chuckle right about now. Me? Run? No way! I hate to run! It hurts and I can only go about 20 feet before I've had enough. Well, through his workouts, he started incorporating running so I didn't really have a choice...after all, I'm not a quitter. So, I ran. At first not very long and definitly not very fast, but I ran. Ryan wants me to run a 5K (3.2mi) in October. IWU Homecoming always sponsors a 5K. I haven't committed to this 100% yet, but I've decided to start working towards it to see if I think it is possible. Today, I ran 3/4 of a mile in 11 min. I know that is not going to win me any medals, but it's my longest run without stopping to date. I do this on the treadmill at the gym so I can see the distance and time. I also walked 3 miles this morning.

My plan this summer is to really get a grip on the food, workout twice a day and try to get a big jump on this journey.

My biggest goal however, is to conquer my fear. My Mantra for this summer is NO FEAR! I had a nice long talk at the pool on Tuesday with my good friend and personal therapist, Missy. When I neared the end of my rambling, she pointed out that I had used the word scared or fear numerous times. I didn't even realize it! Scared of failing (again), scared of letting people down, scared of actually succeeding (I know that sounds crazy). Who knew? So, I came home and did some listing. Missy said I tend to skip right over what I have accomplished and focus on my failures. So, she had me make a list of all the things I had accomplished in the last year. Then I made a list of goals. The two lists looked like this:

What I have accomplished:
1. I have worked out faithfully for over 8 months.
2. I completed a 13.1 mile walk
3. I completed Ryan's torture sessions without quitting
4. I can run 10 (now 11) min. without stopping
5. I lost 25 lbs.

My goals for this summer:
1. No Fear
2. Workout 6 days a week, twice a day
3. Lose 25 more lbs.
4. Increase my running time by 2 min. each week.

So, there you have it. My daily posts won't be this long, but I needed to get the whole thing down for myself. I have a few verses that I would like to end with. These have taken on new meaning for me as I continue on my journey...

Hebrews 12:1-2
...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus....

Phillipians 3:14
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Phillipian 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who give me strength!

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

WOW!! Talk about impressive!! You blow me away daughter!! I have totaly faith in you to do whatever you set your eyes and heart upon!! I am encouraged to try again. I too have many fears and my failures always come back to haunt me! But it is time to try again and win!! I am Sooooo Proud of you!!!
I love you,
Mom

K. Karr said...

Kelley- This post has indeed inspired and inspiring! I can relate to so many of your thoughts and ideas. I am right there with ya on the struggles with weight and the ability to run! I have tried to both so many times myself. Maybe I will join ya this year @ the IWU Homecoming 5K...although I may have to walk it alone cause it sounds like you are going to take a stab at running it! I think that is awesome!
Karla

Anonymous said...

I wish I would have read this before picking up my cheesy gordita crunch and Mt. Dew from Taco Bell! Now that Kenzie is 1 year old, I probably need to stop blaming child birth for the extra 30 pounds... Thank you for inspiring and challenging me to get back on the horse. I love you and am so proud of you!
Andrea

Unknown said...

Kelley- You go girl! I am proud of you for setting goals and being willing to go on this journey. You can do it!!

Missy said...

Good for you Kelley! I know that your list of things you've accomplished over the past year is in reality much longer. I really do think we need to focus on what we are doing right. Before you know it that list will be much longer than the list of things you weren't able to accomplish. Everytime you find yourself thinking a thought that starts with, "but what if I don't/can't...?" replace it with, "what if I do...?" There will be things in our lives that we will probably always struggle with. I may always be tempted by chocolate and chips. I will never be a professional tennis player.... But, there are also many things we are good at. What happens if we start putting all of our energy into those things? Maybe we become so good at those that the chocolate issue no longer has as much power. You've been committed to exercising. You've been faithful. You ran for 11 minutes. If you keep going and running/excercising for longer food may become less of an issue. Ok, I'm rambling. Perhaps I can articulate better in person :)

Andrea, I "might" be able to relate to what you shared about Taco Bell and pop today. :)

Kim said...

Totally inspiring because just last Monday I started one of those weight loss challenges with other MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers). There is cash involved and with any hope it will keep me motivated. I give you props for running. I always say...I never run unless someone is chasing me. Maybe I should join a race?!!? Way to go Kelley!

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

FEAR-I have been thinking about this for a couple of days,the truth is what I'm doing right now is what scares me the most. Building homes is pretty simple, NO FEAR, but try to write something and spell every word right and get all the .,!and? in the right place, well that is pretty hard for me. Or stand in front of a church full of people and try to sing (How do people remember the words?) Lots of FEAR. FOOD- A love it, I love it, I lovvvve it, but so far haven't had to worry about it ( I know, It's not fair).The point is your post has given me the courage to try and conquer just one of my many FEARS. All I can say is YOU GO GIRL.
I Love Kelley, Dad
PS: please edit ASAP

Done Dad...but was perfect just the way it was! Love you too!

8:58 PM

Anonymous said...

Run Forest Run, I have a vivid imagination and could see you running through the trees with those braces falling off. So maybe that is really what it is all about running despite the obstacles and becoming free from the things that hold us back.

There is freedom when facing barriers and overcoming them.. You are inspiring me,,, and as soon as I finish the chips, dip and the sundae... I am going to start walking to the refrig rather than using my office chair to roll in there...

Love you

Your almost but not quite aunt..
Carolyn

Beau and Nicole Hummel said...

I really got chills reading your post. I always check in on your blog and appreciated your honesty. After what you have accomplished already this year I'm sure you can do it!