Thursday, January 27, 2011


I wonder how many decisions I make on a daily basis. Already this morning, I made the decision to not push the snooze and to get up and exercise. I decided what to wear, how to style my hair today, what to have for breakfast, and to not stop for gas but take my chances on the way home tonight. Since I've been at school I have made numerous trivial decisions.

There are big decisions weighing on my mind too...where is God really calling me to be for the next 20 years? Should I stick with education or broaden my horizons? Decisions are scary. I'm feeling like I'm being nudged to make a change, but what does that look like? Why am I so scared? I love a challenge and usually thrive in new situations.  Don't you sometimes wish God would just write it across the sky? Here...Do this!

I've also made the decision to involve myself in the Soul Shift series at church. I joined a small group of women who meet on Wed. night's to discuss the 7 Soul Shifts and what that looks like in our lives. This week the shift is from Me to You. Boy...I'm selfish. I think I've always known that on some level, but the sermon on Sunday, the reading and last night's discussion made it blatantly clear to me. If I doubted it, now there is no room for doubt. I am certainly Me focused, but I'm making the decision to let God shift my soul. That in itself is scary. There are parts of that change that are not going to be fun for me. How sad is that to say?! I don't want to be "others" focused sometimes, but God makes it clear that how much I love "others" even my enemies, is how much I love Him! That was a hard pill to swallow. I would say "I" have some changes to make, but I'm realizing "I" can't do it.

I'd like to ask any of you who pray to remember a friend of mine who made a really hard decision this week. She made the right decision, but it's impact will be wide spread and it's going to have a long fallout I'm afraid. Pray for peace in her heart and mind that she did the only thing she could. Pray for nights of good sleep. Pray for focus through the day as she tries to do all that is required of her.

In order to end this on an upbeat note...I have also made the DECISION to keep plugging away at this healthy lifestyle of mine and it is paying off! I am at 39lbs as of this morning!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

What's the Answer?

Well, here I am writing about weight loss again, but seriously people, I am going crazy! I dropped 4lbs, got all excited and have now spent the last week and a half fluctuating up and down. I am constantly reading, trying to figure out this weight loss monster.

So, what's the right amount of protein, carbs, water, calories, fat, etc? You can find 100 theories and proof  to scientifically back up every cotton-pickin' one of them! It can make a person just want to eat whatever and stay fat! But then my smarter side kicks in and reminds me that no matter what the scale says, I am feeling better right now than I have in years. I should not give up! My life right now mimics that cartoon where there is a voice on each good, one evil. I am starting to think that I'm hearing voices.

If any of you out there have any tried and true methods that could help me...I'd love to hear them. I want a lifestyle, not a fad diet though. I've obviously done some serious damage to my metabolism so I don't want to continue down that path.

I will do this...I will do this...I will do this!!!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Need? Want? What's Enough?

When I was in college at IWU, I worked as an RA for 3 years. The first year our retreat ended with a true "foot washing" ceremony. I knew this terribly uncomfortable experience was coming and I dreaded it the whole weekend. I didn't want to touch someone else's feet, but more importantly, I certainly didn't want a stranger touching mine. I was floored when that experience turned out to be one of the most emotional, spiritual, and memorable times of my life. I have never forgotten it. It was humbling to have someone wash my feet, yet a huge blessing. I was also blessed by washing someone else's be a servant.

Sunday's sermon was on our  "needs" and "wants" and When do we have enough? This was a hard one for me...I seem to ALWAYS be wanting! New clothes, purses, shoes, items for the house, vacations...the list is endless! But Pastor Judy's point was if we have it enough? it certainly is! He meets all my  needs and then some! I am certainly blessed! But, sometimes he meets our needs through others...

We then start focusing on identifying a need that someone else can fill for us. Well, I'm single and a homeowner so there are plenty! Right? Wrong! I find that most of my need is financial, not something someone can do for me in an hour or less. Anyone have an extra 10 grand so I can get a new furnace and windows? A new master suite addition (pipe dream of mine)? Those things are probably not what she had in mind, so let's focus on things that need to be done around the house. There's washing windows, washing/cleaning my car, yard work (lots and lots of yard work!!), etc. But these are things I just don't like to do...I can, I just don't want to. That's not a "need", that's LAZY! We're about to fill out the card and I have to think of 1 need. I'm starting to panic a little.

Where does pride figure in? I don't want people to know how dirty my windows are! I don't want people to see how dirty I let me car get! I don't want people to think I'm lazy or incapable of taking care of myself! It's hard to accept help! Such pride! It occured to me that when Jesus washed the feet of the disciples, it wasn't about them being capable of doing it for was a service, a ministry...a demonstration of his love for them. I enjoy serving others, doing acts of service, "washing the feet" of others. It's a blessing to me. So when I refuse to let others help me, am I robbing them of a blessing?

So, it's decision time and...I leave my card blank. I'm not going to ask someone else to "wash my feet" just because I'm too lazy to do it, OR it's a job I procrastinate because I don't like like doing it, OR maybe it IS hard for me, but I don't want to admit that I "need" help.

As the final song is being sung, I'm looking at the empty card in my hand a light bulb goes on in my head...OUTSIDE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS! My Dad drove 3 hrs one afternoon to put them up for me, but I wasn't sure how I was going to get them down. I know he is super busy with his new job at the church so I don't want him to feel pressured to make a trip over here for a job that will only take about 30 min. My BFF, Sue, could help me, but she's super busy with coaching basketball right now so I don't want to ask her to help me. I guess I could just go redneck and leave them up till spring, or next that's not an option! turns out I do have a "need" and I'm going to let someone feel the blessing by helping me! I'll also be blessed by letting them do it, and hopefully by finding a "need" I can meet for someone else!

Saturday, January 08, 2011

Out with the Fat Clothes I have been thinking this week how I want to proceed. What "tone" or "focus" do I want to have. I noticed as I read through all my posts that I definitely went through seasons. There was the randomness at the beginning, the job hunt season, and the mini training/weight loss era with a few spiritual applications thrown in along the way. I really don't think I want every post to be about the same thing like I did over the past few years with the mini training, so I'm going to return to randomness I think and try to write about it all. Sound good?

With that is going to be an update on my weight loss with the promise that it won't be that way every time. However, I'm too excited today not to share! During the summer, I was pretty much "off" any kind of healthy eating plan. Not sure what gets into me, but I was living it up. As I got ready to head back to school, I was at an all time high weight and super discouraged. I didn't really have a plan in mind except to try and get things back under control. So, I just started cutting back and trying to make some better choices. Through August and Sept. I dropped about 6lbs. Then during the first weekend of October, I spent a weekend at my sister's. We started talking about weight loss as she was wanting to drop her baby weight and a plan was hatched. We intially set it up at a competition with the promise of rewards, but both of us are winning, so the reward has just been the feeling of accomplishment. October and half of November were VERY successful. Then, we headed into the holidays and things came to a halt. Andrea and I discussed it and decided that we would make out goal simply to not put any weight on through the holidays. If we could make it to Jan. 1 without gaining, we would be happy. Well, both of us managed to do that with a little accountability help from each other. So, this week, I hit the ground running and it has been a good week! As of this morning, I am down 35/29 lbs!!! The 35 is since school started, the 29 is from the Oct. date.

This is my largest weight loss in 20 years. I have been trying to lose weight since college. But have never lost more than 30lbs. and that was 17 years ago when I lost 30 lbs for Andrea's high school graduation. In Feb. of her Senior year, we had done a "sisters" act in matching costumes at a valentine banquet which had a HUGE affect on me. Try standing beside your high-school skinny sister in matching clothes...not good! When I left for college, we were basically the same size...she got super skinny during high school and I started gaining in college. I decided then that I would be skinny for her graduation. I lost 30 lbs., went to her graduation party, ate, and that was that. I was off the diet and continued to climb from there. I've been fighting it ever since and have never lost more than 20 lbs. at a time. If you put it all together, I've probably lost hundreds!!

So, I have not talked about it much. I feel like putting it out there for the world is sometimes what derails me. I won't post about it a lot, but I was excited to see a loss this morning, and had to share. I think the most exciting thing, is that I don't feel in danger of stopping. I am feeling good, enjoying the struggle of finding things to wear because I've dropped 2 sizes, and am saving for a tropical vacation when I hit my goal. I'm not just talking Florida tropics, I'm talking Hawaii or something equally as awesome when I get to goal. I won't go till I can feel good about being in a bathring suit. I've renewed my committment to exercise and am hoping to get back the determination I had when I was working out at the Wellness Center. I'm also avoiding following a "diet". I am simply watching calories and learning how to eat healthy. This will have to be a lifetime thing, so a fad diet isn't going to work in the long run.

So with all that said...I think I'll go do a little closet purging! Out with the fat clothes!

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Change of Heart

I guess you could say that I've had a change of heart...hence the title. I had decided that I was done blogging after all this time. I rarely write...sometimes going months at a time without even thinking about it. It feels like the world has moved on. It was a great phase, but I felt the days of blogging were behind me. Then some events occured that caused me to have a change of heart.

The first event occured on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I had nothing to do so I spent an entire afternoon reading my past blogs. I don't know what on Earth prompted me to do it, but I literally sat for hours reading every blog from the first couple of years. I read every comment too. I found myself laughing out loud at myself! I am funny! Who knew? I also laughed at comments left by my friends and family who were faithfully following my journey. Thirty seconds later, I'd find myself in tears...remembering a sadness. Then I'd read those comments and realize how many people love me and support me in my journey. I was AMAZED at all the things that have happened in my life over the last 5 years! Valleys crossed and mountains climbed were only a memory. Those events felt so huge at the time! Hard times, sad times, but mostly totally BLESSED times! Looking back helped me remember the blessings and how God has never left my side!

The second event was the death of my Grandma in November. I found myself consumed with memories...remembering. Then at our Grate Christmas, we spent time reading a journal that Grandma had kept for a few years and cards/letters she had written to Grandpa. I was so touched and amused to hear her words. She was a hilarious, loving person! (must be where I get it) Getting a chance to see her heart meant so much to me. It gave me a more intimate picture of who she was. I want to leave that behind for...well anyone who cares to know me! I don't have children, but I have 5 nieces and nephews who might get a kick out of reading my ramblings.

The last event was a discussion on "reflecting" in Sunday school class. As we talked about the importance on reflecting on our lives especially our spiritual growth as we head into a new year, I couldn't help but think about the blog and the things I learned about myself just rereading it. The growth I've had, but wouldn't have even been aware of without that opportunity to look back at what I was facing, feeling, dealing with over the last 5 years. I knew right then that I was going to revive the blog! Mostly it's just for me...a record of my memories, my struggles, my triumphs, but I'd love it if some of you would come along with me!