GRATE THOUGHTS

So...I guess I kind of went AWAL for a while. Life has been interesting the last few months. I have been attending a Bible study by Beth Moore at church on Wed. nights. It has been AMAZING! Really, honestly, life changing. So, the problem is...my weight loss journey has been on hiatus. It's like I have come to grips with a lot of areas. I've given them all to Jesus, but I hold onto the weight issue like a lifeline. It's like I'm afraid to turn it over for fear He'll actually help me! How stupid is that?! Well, last week, I finally decided it was time. Giving God this weight battle, is something I have never done. I know that seems crazy...why wouldn't I be praying for His help all these years? But I haven't. I have always tried to do it myself. Well, we see how well that has turned out. It's like I have always felt that this was my mess. I created it and God has bigger things to worry about than me controlling my eating. So, daily I'm trying to turn it over. And it is literally a daily decision to turn it over. I haven't been perfect, but better. I also decided that my goals are way too lofty. I am always focused on the full amount of weight and I want to lose it all in less than a year. But I realized yesterday that I have gone almost 14 years fighting this and I've never reached that goal. So, why not make it more manageable. Maybe just a pound a week. If I could do that, I'd be down 52 lbs by next year. That would be huge. It's hard to think it might take two years to get it all off, but if I don't do this, I could be two years down the road and have lost nothing. So, that's my new goal. I want to lose 3 lbs. by Thanksgiving. And then 3 more by Christmas. Doesn't seem like much, but it's better than gaining which is the where I'm headed if I don't turn this train around. Actually there I go again, saying I'm going to turn it around, actually, God is going to help me turn it around. I can't do it...that's evident. It's gonna have to come from Him!

These are the words to the theme song for the Biggest Loser. Tonight as I'm watching the show, it dawns on me that my answer to that question is... very little. I'm about as low as I can go right now. I am like a train wreck. I'm still working out...that would be the little that I am proud of, but other than that, I'm ashamed. This blog was easy to write when I was super motivated and proud of my progress. I haven't wanted to post in the last couple of weeks because I didn't want to be honest about my failures. But, it's time to face the music. I need and covet any prayers you can send my way. Satan is doing a number on me right now, and it's only through prayer that i'm going to make it.

My Dad reminded me yesterday that I haven't been posting very regularly. Well, part of that is because the well has dried up. I've Got Nothing...as they say. I haven't lost a pound in over a month. I've continued to exercise and be active, but I obviously am eating enough to offset that effort. :( I don't really feel like I'm eating that poorly, but I guess I am because I don't know how else a person can exercise as much as I am and not lose weight. So, here I am at the end of summer (school starts tomorrow) and I lost 5 lbs., not 20 like I wanted. I've yet to get through that set of 10 so I could buy myself some treat. Very discouraging. I don't want to give the impression that I'm giving up. I definitly am not. I'm hoping with routine, will come some results. Hopefully packing my lunch for school will help me to eat better and be more consistent. My goal of running the 5K has also been derailed. I hurt my heel a couple of weeks ago racing my niece and nephews. It is still giving me problems and definitly changed what I can do in the category of cardio workouts. I have trouble walking and running on it. My personal trainer, Mary, says it could take up to 6 weeks to heal and of course that's assuming, I don't do anything stupid to injure it more...like wear stupid shoes. (which I tend to do) :) So, I guess I feel a little behind right now, but not totally defeated. (BTW- I don't really have a personal trainer, just a really good friend who is a highly talented athletic trainer.) I would love to post fabulous news in the coming months, so please add me to your prayer lists. This is a harder battle than most would think and it's going to take more than just my efforts to get the job done.


Kelley

Well, I've had a successful week so far. The extra pounds from Nashville are gone...which tells me they were mostly water. I've had good workouts this week and have done pretty well with my eating. I realized that I didn't drink hardly any water the whole time I was at home and in Nashville. I drink tons of water every day, so I'm sure that was the reason for my huge gain. I feel much better. Now if I can just keep going in the downward direction instead of stopping. My workout schedule will be changing starting next week because Sue goes back to school on Monday. So, my workout partner won't be available till after school. The next Monday, I go back, so it's time to get back into that school year routine anyways. I've been so faithful this summer...getting up early to go and get it over with. Hope I can be just as faithful once school starts and I'm feeling tired. I know it will be easy to skip on those days when I'm feeling tired from getting back into the school routine. I'm hoping my eating can be more disciplined this school year. The teacher's lounge is a very bad place for me. I was talking to a few of my teacher friends who share my struggle and we all agreed to bring more healthy options to share on those days when we need a "carry-in." Well, I have lots to do today so I'd better get to it. Have a good day everybody!

Well, I feel like my journey has taken a BIG detour...I think I'll still reach my destination, just much later than I intended. I just got home from a weekend trip to Nashville with Mom and Andrea. We had a blast, but I was horrified when I got on the scale this morning! So, off to the gym I went with my injured foot and a heavy heart. Very discouraging, but I am determined to get back on the main highway!

I'm not sure why I've had no time to update, but that's how it's been. As I stated in my last post, life has been crazy busy the last couple weeks. I am frustrated beyond measure that I haven't lost any more weight, but I have continued to be faithful in my workouts. I guess they've kept me from gaining weight with all these special occassions and get togethers. It's funny...I thought eating right was hard during the school year and couldn't wait for summer...now I think it'll be easier once school starts since I'll be in more of a routine. Wow...guess it's just never easy. I need to be more disciplined in both situations. My internet cord is broken so I have to update at Sue's which is making it less convenient. Hopefully I'll get a new cord soon. I'll post pictures of all my fun stuff when I do.

Life has been a little nuts! I had a garage sale last weekend...I sold my car on a whim...but made a killer deal! I've been car shopping the last few days since being carless is a little inconvenient. I am buying a Pontiac G6 and love it! I've worked out hard the last two mornings. I cleaned my house like mad this morning so my niece won't be crawling on dirty floors. I'm leaving in 1 hour to go to Columbus with my dear friend Kismet for the Billy Joel/Elton John concert. (Yahoo!) We're spending the night with my sister and then I'm bringing Kenzie home with me tomorrow. I'll head back to Dayton on Sat. for my cousin's wedding and to return Kenzie and then I'm hosting a big cookout for all my school friends on Sunday evening. I need a nap just reading this back to myself!

I'm in a holding pattern again with the weight, but I'm doing well with my exercise and not too bad with my eating. The weekend wasn't great because of my birthday and other get togethers I attended, but I'm back on it this week. Life is good. :)