Derailed

Well, at least it feels that way! I haven't been to the gym for two days and probably won't get back there until the kids go home. But, I think swimming for about 5 hours today has to qualify as exercise. I definitly wasn't laying on a raft!!! Might try to go Monday with the youngins, we'll just have to see. Loving having them here...never a dull moment and nearly a laugh a minute!

Where Does Exercise Hurt...Everywhere

Who does exercise hurt...everyone! Just had to make a little fun of one of my favorite commercials. I hurt from top to bottom today. Had a great workout this morning. Did 3/4 of a mile running and felt pretty good. I did the first half without too much trouble. Was wanting to run a whole mile, but it just wasn't going to happen. I was pooped. Have been painting the rest of this day. Have done two coats and painted a door. I have blisters on my fingers and I hurt everywhere, so I'm pretty sure painting counts as extended exercise. Now, I am off to clean up my house for tomorrow the kids come and Friday mom and dad come. Tonight, Sue and I are refurbishing my fire pit, so there is no rest for the weary in sight. Feels great to be working hard though. Still haven't dropped any more weight which is about to send me off the deep end, but I'll keep plugging. It's bound to happen eventually.

Alternative Exercise

That's what I'd like to call painting. Today I didn't work out, but I helped Sue paint for a couple of hours. I'm hoping that counts. Tomorrow morning, I'll be at the gym bright and early. :)

exhaustion

I am exhausted! I went home yesterday for Father's Day and had a great time! I was telling my family all about my workouts and feeling really proud of myself. Today, you would have thought I had never worked out before. I felt like I had lead in my shoes. Might have been the mashed potatoes. :) I had such a hard time today. Every single step or lift felt so hard! But, I prevailed and finished the workout. I'm glad it's over for today and I hope tomorrow is better. Goodness!

Sweat

That's what I did a whole lot of this morning at the gym...30 min. on the elliptical (aka machine of death)...425 calories burned! Off to get a Polar Pop...for Sue! :(

I feel Content

For the time being...I go back and forth between this nervous energy where I can't relax and feel like I should constantly be doing something and this lazy contentment I feel right now. It won't last long, so I'm going to enjoy it.

I had a great workout this morning. I did some running/walking instead of the elliptical. It felt great to do it since it had been a couple of days, but I realized that I burn more calories on the elliptical. Both machines tell you how many calories you are burning, but I had never checked it on the treadmill. That was a real eye opener. It was a good one though because it helps me to feel okay about doing the elliptical more than the running for now. I didn't post yesterday, but Sue and I decided to walk about 4 miles instead of going to the gym. That was a nice change of pace especially since I haven't really walked any longer distances since the race. It was great to see that 4 miles wasn't difficult at all. We walked about a 16.5 min. mile which was a fast pace for me. I realized that no matter where I'm at with the weight loss, I have come so far in my endurance and ability to be active. It feels great and you can't put a number on that. :)

Elation!

I got the 3 pounds off!!! I went back to the gym and ran a 1/2 mile yesterday. I just feel better when I do it! I decided that I'm going to take it easy and not push myself too hard right now. I'll just run enough that it's making me feel good, but stop immediately if it hurts. I'll push for longer time/distance when I've lost more weight. Today's workout was hard!! I am pooped, but that's a good thing! After the workout, I went to Sue's and scrubbed 3 walls that had been stripped of wallpaper, but not the glue and scraps. I worked for 90 min. and feel like it was as much a workout as the workout was. :) Now, I'm ready for a shower and a nap! :)

I'm adding on to this post...I had my shower, but now I'm not so tired. I was thinking...I tend to be very motivated by "things", you know...purses, shoes, clothes, jewlry, etc. :) So, I think I am going to give myself permission to buy myself 1 thing every 10lbs. I know 10 lbs doesn't sound like much, but at the rate I've been taking it off, it could be several months! I am 2 lbs. from going into a new set of numbers (which shall remain nameless). I haven't seen those numbers in over 10 years. So, when I get through them, I'll buy myself something fun! Sounds like a grand idea to me! Now, I need to get online and start shopping for what I want!

Frustrated

Well, I knew this day would come. I knew this journey wasn't going to be all happiness and sunshine, but it feels like it came too soon. I'm irritated and frustrated today. I'm up 3 lbs. which I know is probably water, but still it's hard to see. I went to the gym today and did 20 min. on the elliptical which is my longest time and then walked a quick 16 min. mile which is also a personal best, but I feel like I'm not doing enough. The running felt like I was really pushing myself and now without it, I feel like I'm not doing so great. It's very frustrating. I've really got to change my mindset, but right now, it's not happening. So, I think I'm going to REALLY clean my house today (not just one room like yesterday) because I do my best cleaning when I'm mad and then maybe a clean house will perk up my mood. :(

Dilemma

Well, here we are on Monday and I have a dilemma. Over the weekend, I was out with friends, one of which is my good friend Mary, an athletic trainer at IWU. She's right up there next to Doctors in my book and gives me good advice and help when I'm struggling with injuries and such. So, I was telling her about my running goals and she said, "Really? hmmm." Now, I didn't pursue that, but later, I had to ask her what she meant by that. Wish I hadn't asked.

Mary tells me that for every pound we carry, we exert 4 pounds of pressure on our knees, shins and ankels. So, when I'm running, that's ALOT of pressure pounding down. She's not against running, but thinks it's better done once weight is lost so that you don't injure yourself. So, I don't know what to do. I'm not injured right now...but I don't want to get a stress fracture or something even worse that will cause me not to be able to exercise at all. She suggested doing more on the elliptical which applies no pressure to your joints but still is a great cardio workout for losing weight. Well, that's okay, but I don't really enjoy the elliptical and I feel a huge disappointment to not continue my goal. I actually haven't decided what to do.

Today at the gym, I did the elliptical for 15 min. and then walked on the treadmill the remaining time. Then Sue and I did our weight/ab workout. It was a good tough workout, but I felt disappointed to not run at all. So, what to do? Do I continue running as long as I feel okay doing it, or do I stop and pick it back up later when I've got some of this weight off??? That is the question of the day. Any thoughts?

A Day of Rest...

Today... I rest!

Run, Forest, Run...

That's what I felt like yelling as I was on my last lap of running today. I was dying and hurting and wanting to quit.

Gym: Decided to do some interval stuff on the treadmill today. Wasn't sure my ankles and shins could take 11 min. solid again, so I decided to walk a lap, run a lap, walk a lap, etc. until I had reached 2 miles. So, that's what I did. I started out walking to warm up and then ran a quarter, then walked a quarter until I reached two miles. Which means...I ran a mile today! :) Not all together, but a full mile nonetheless. Then I did some ab work, then lifted weights, then walked a mile on the track for a cool down. Best news is, that I came home and weighed and I was down two pounds!!! That Makes 27 total! Woohoo!

Sue asked me last night if body snatchers had actually replaced her best friend and as I sit here nibbling on green peppers and cucumber slices, I would have to wonder that myself. ;)

Have a good day everybody...I'm off to the pool!

Journey

I've decided to title this entry "Journey" because I'm going to start Journaling about my Journey. My weight loss/exercise addiction/get healthy journey. I'm not sure that many people read this blog anymore, but that's okay. It's going to be more for my own personal growth. If you happen to read, I hope it helps or motivates you in some way. I've been on this journey most of my life. From about 6th grade on, I started struggling with my weight. In high school, I lost 30 lbs and stayed a decent weight till I left for college. It was all down hill from there...freshman 15 turned into 30....60... and 15 years after graduating college, I'm currently about 100 pounds overweight. Actually, It was worse...I've lost 25. So, as I keep plugging through this journey to overcome my weight, I think it will be helpful for me to write about it.

This leg of the journey started 8 months ago when my ladies group talked about walking the Indy Mini. I couldn't imagine at that time being able to do this, but I didn't want to be left out and I thought a big goal like this could possibly help keep me motivated to work out. The accountability of everyone knowing I was trying to do this didn't hurt either. So, I joined the Wellness Center and began walking. At first I couldn't walk 1 mile in 25 min without tears. I was tired, sore and out of breath. I had a lot of pain in my shins which has always been a stumbling block. So, on the advice of a friend, I decided to go to the Good Feet store in Indy to see what they could do for me. The inserts were very expensive and I was very nervous about this, but they literally worked a miracle. I was now able to walk without extreme pain and slowly I was able to increase my time and my pace. As most of you know, I walked the race in May and finished. I wasn't super fast, but I didn't get picked up by the slow bus, and that was my main goal.

I was pleased with my progress, but very disappointed in my weight loss. I had only lost about 12 lbs during all that training. Sadly, I worked hard, but I didn't eat very well so I didn't see much progress in the weight loss which was my main purpose. A few weeks before the race a contest was announced at our gym. It was a biggest Loser contest and would involve biweekly training sessions with the gym's trainer, Ryan. I thought maybe this would help. Well, I finished the 8 weeks. I didn't quit (which is nothing short of a miracle). Many people quit. This was by far the hardest thing I had ever done. Ryan pushed me to limits I didn't know were possible...but still I only lost 10 pounds. So, I'm up to 22 pounds. I had lost about 3 since the start of the school year, so I'm claiming 25 lbs lost from my heaviest weight to date at this point. Although I didn't win the contest, I won something much more valuable. I developed a sense of pride in the fact that I can work hard. I am capable of way more than I ever thought and if I'll just quit letting food rule my world, I could probably kick this weight.

During this time, I talked with Ryan several times about a new goal. I felt kind of lost now that my walk was complete. He started encouraging me to run...now if you know me at all, you're probably having a good chuckle right about now. Me? Run? No way! I hate to run! It hurts and I can only go about 20 feet before I've had enough. Well, through his workouts, he started incorporating running so I didn't really have a choice...after all, I'm not a quitter. So, I ran. At first not very long and definitly not very fast, but I ran. Ryan wants me to run a 5K (3.2mi) in October. IWU Homecoming always sponsors a 5K. I haven't committed to this 100% yet, but I've decided to start working towards it to see if I think it is possible. Today, I ran 3/4 of a mile in 11 min. I know that is not going to win me any medals, but it's my longest run without stopping to date. I do this on the treadmill at the gym so I can see the distance and time. I also walked 3 miles this morning.

My plan this summer is to really get a grip on the food, workout twice a day and try to get a big jump on this journey.

My biggest goal however, is to conquer my fear. My Mantra for this summer is NO FEAR! I had a nice long talk at the pool on Tuesday with my good friend and personal therapist, Missy. When I neared the end of my rambling, she pointed out that I had used the word scared or fear numerous times. I didn't even realize it! Scared of failing (again), scared of letting people down, scared of actually succeeding (I know that sounds crazy). Who knew? So, I came home and did some listing. Missy said I tend to skip right over what I have accomplished and focus on my failures. So, she had me make a list of all the things I had accomplished in the last year. Then I made a list of goals. The two lists looked like this:

What I have accomplished:
1. I have worked out faithfully for over 8 months.
2. I completed a 13.1 mile walk
3. I completed Ryan's torture sessions without quitting
4. I can run 10 (now 11) min. without stopping
5. I lost 25 lbs.

My goals for this summer:
1. No Fear
2. Workout 6 days a week, twice a day
3. Lose 25 more lbs.
4. Increase my running time by 2 min. each week.

So, there you have it. My daily posts won't be this long, but I needed to get the whole thing down for myself. I have a few verses that I would like to end with. These have taken on new meaning for me as I continue on my journey...

Hebrews 12:1-2
...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus....

Phillipians 3:14
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Phillipian 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who give me strength!

Kenzie's 1st Birthday party!

Sorry about the sideways cake. Andrea made Kenzie's cake and I thought it turned out beautifully!
This was Kenzie's cake to eat on her own.

Andrea reads a card to Kenzie. She looks totally interested. :)

Aunt Kelley got her a rocking elephant.

She loved her pop up toy from Sue.

So serious as she gets another handful of icing.

Hey! This is pretty good stuff!

Kenzie was actually 1 on April 11th, but her Daddy was gone for Army training. So, Sunday, May24th, we celebrated her 1st year. Daddy was finally home, and everyone was happy!

Happy Birthday, Kenzie!