It's a New Day!

Yes, I know...I disappeared again. That's what I do when I don't have anything good to say. The holidays were hard and I would say that I was really bad. But, we're in a new year and it's a new day! I decided last fall to sign up to do the Indy Mini again this year. Andrea signed up with me and so now it's time to train. All fall, I "rested" my foot hoping it would be better by now. All I accomplished was gaining back weight I had lost and I still have an injured foot. As this week approached and I knew the training was to officially start, I wondered what I had done. I felt trapped by the commitment to my sister and wished I had never agreed to do it again. So, with a heavy heart I went out for a walk Monday to "test the water" so to speak. I did a mile just to see how the foot would do. Surprisingly, the foot wasn't too bad. Everything else hurt, but the foot pain was minimal. So, that was encouraging. Tues, Wed. and Thurs. I did not walk. It was icy outside and I hadn't been to the Wellness Center yet to pay my $50 so I could use the indoor track for 4 months. I needed to wait till I got paid Thursday. So, Friday afternoon, I forced myself to the gym. I paid my money and set off on a two mile walk. That was the goal I set for myself. I am happy to report that I made it. The first mile was somewhat torturous, but the 2nd was easier and I felt proud that I had completed it. So, I decide that I will just count that as my "big" walk for the week and break myself in easy. I was supposed to do 3 today and then 4 the next two weeks. In my mind, it made more sense to go 2, 3, 4, so that's what I had decided to do.

Well, I woke up this morning and thought, "Kelley, you need to get to the gym." I decided I didn't want to start the training off by making excuses and allowances so I needed to grit my teeth and do 3 today. I put it off till 12:30 but finally got myself out the door. As I was walking that first mile, I thought, 3 was going to be pretty hard to achieve. I was hurting, but I realized that I had something this time around that I didn't have last time...the knowledge that I can do way more than I ever thought I could. I proved that to myself last year. I can dig deep and fight through pain, so I became determined then to complete the 3 and to be no longer than a 19 min. mile. That's slow, but faster than the 20 min. miles I started out with last year. I was on lap 15 of 33 when the gal at the desk asked me if I realized they closed at 1:00. It was 5 after. I quickly grabbed my coat and keys and was out the door. (feeling a little like I had been saved.) I was consoling myself with the fact that I had done the first mile in 19 min. as planned and was well into my 2nd mile realizing that the pain was easing up and I had no doubt I could finish the 3 miles.

On my way home, while stopped at 50th and Harmon, I saw a girl walking. She was bundled up but moving right along and then I knew what I had to do. I rushed home, pulled on my heavy sweatshirt and a scarf and headed out the door. I needed to get another mile and 6 tenths in. I knew exactly where I needed to walk to get that, so off I went. It was easy to finish that last half of today's walk...probably easier than if I had stayed at the gym going round and round. I kept my pace and the pain subsided the longer I walked...just like it did last year.

So as I was walking, I was doing a little comparing. I was making a mental checklist of what was the same as last year and what was different. Here's what I came up with.

SAME:
1.The first mile or two still hurt. The pain in my shins, calves, and sometimes back is enough to draw tears...BUT, just like last year, if I can fight through it, it eases up after that and gets better.

DIFFERENT:
1. I am doing this on my own. Best friend is not available to walk with me this year. There were walks especially the first several that she literally talked me through. This year, I'm going on the knowledge that I can do this. I know my abilities are more than I give myself credit for.

2. There were no tears on walk 1...just determination.

3. I am faster starting out than I was last year. Hoping to be faster overall this year.

4. I don't feel an overwhelming sense of fear that I will fail. I know I can do it!

I'm sure there are even more. I also want to say here at the end, that I'm thankful for that "trap of commitment" I feel to my sister. I probably wouldn't have started this week without it and maybe wouldn't have done it at all, but now, I feel excited and motivated! I have felt like a failure for a while now, but as I begin AGAIN, I realize that I'm only a failure if I fail to keep trying. I will not quit this fight. I am still trying to give it to Jesus and I know that someday with His help, I'm going to win this fight over weight.