AWAL

So...I guess I kind of went AWAL for a while. Life has been interesting the last few months. I have been attending a Bible study by Beth Moore at church on Wed. nights. It has been AMAZING! Really, honestly, life changing. So, the problem is...my weight loss journey has been on hiatus. It's like I have come to grips with a lot of areas. I've given them all to Jesus, but I hold onto the weight issue like a lifeline. It's like I'm afraid to turn it over for fear He'll actually help me! How stupid is that?! Well, last week, I finally decided it was time. Giving God this weight battle, is something I have never done. I know that seems crazy...why wouldn't I be praying for His help all these years? But I haven't. I have always tried to do it myself. Well, we see how well that has turned out. It's like I have always felt that this was my mess. I created it and God has bigger things to worry about than me controlling my eating. So, daily I'm trying to turn it over. And it is literally a daily decision to turn it over. I haven't been perfect, but better. I also decided that my goals are way too lofty. I am always focused on the full amount of weight and I want to lose it all in less than a year. But I realized yesterday that I have gone almost 14 years fighting this and I've never reached that goal. So, why not make it more manageable. Maybe just a pound a week. If I could do that, I'd be down 52 lbs by next year. That would be huge. It's hard to think it might take two years to get it all off, but if I don't do this, I could be two years down the road and have lost nothing. So, that's my new goal. I want to lose 3 lbs. by Thanksgiving. And then 3 more by Christmas. Doesn't seem like much, but it's better than gaining which is the where I'm headed if I don't turn this train around. Actually there I go again, saying I'm going to turn it around, actually, God is going to help me turn it around. I can't do it...that's evident. It's gonna have to come from Him!