5? No Problem

Well, that's not exactly true, but kinda. I am at Andrea's this weekend so I did my 5 mile training walk on her treadmill. Less than exciting way to do it, but I got to watch Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, an old favorite, while I walked which was nice.

Things that were better about the walk:

*I got to watch the movie

*I didn't have to go anywhere

*I felt NO pain in my legs or feet at all (this amazed me)

Things that were worse:

*It seemed really long for some reason

*I have a terrible cold and have congestion in my chest so I could hardly breathe. This made it a tad difficult

* The speed on the treadmill certainly didn't match what I do at the gym. The 17.5 pace was literally almost throwing me off the back. I had to jog to keep that pace, so I was slow today according to the treadmill.

Feeling good about the training. Today was not a problem. :)

Another 4 Miles

Feeling good after today's 4 mile walk. Today was supposed to be a 3.1 mile walk, but since I didn't walk 4 last week I thought I needed to do 4 today. My walks this week have all gone well, so I was hoping for a good time today. I got it. I completed my 4 miles in 69 min exactly which is a 17 min. 15 sec. mile. Realizing that I only need to knock 15 sec. off of each mile which is essentially a 1.5 sec a lap, is not too bad. I think I can do that! I only neared a 17 min. mile at the end of last years training so I'm feeling really good about where I am right now. I also noticed that my pain lessened much more quickly today. It really only hurt during the first mile after that I was good.

My feelings about this whole process seem to be all over the map. I feel everything from dispair to elation...hopelessness to determination...dread to excitement. I find that I have days where I just don't want to do it. It's hard and now that I've done it once, I know how hard it is. It's more a feeling of not wanting to do it though, not fear that I can't. But, the good news is that once I get myself to the gym and start that first lap, the determination to better myself kicks in and then the elation at the end when I've finished and finished faster is awesome! Next week...5!

4 miles -Check

Saturday's walk went really well. I was nervous because Friday's walk was extremely difficult. I only walked 2 miles. At the end instead of being happy I was completely freaked out that tomorrow that would only be half way!! Just couldn't imagine getting through the 4 by myself. But, I did! I blared my music and played mind games but got through it. I was even faster than an 18 min mile which is way ahead of where I was last year at this point.

On my way home I called my sister to gloat about my success. We ended up having a half hour conversation which was great except I was sitting down that whole time. When I stood up to hit the shower, I nearly fell down. The muscle in mt right calf was in a complete ball. Lesson learned- stretch more and keep moving after the walk! :)

It's a New Day!

Yes, I know...I disappeared again. That's what I do when I don't have anything good to say. The holidays were hard and I would say that I was really bad. But, we're in a new year and it's a new day! I decided last fall to sign up to do the Indy Mini again this year. Andrea signed up with me and so now it's time to train. All fall, I "rested" my foot hoping it would be better by now. All I accomplished was gaining back weight I had lost and I still have an injured foot. As this week approached and I knew the training was to officially start, I wondered what I had done. I felt trapped by the commitment to my sister and wished I had never agreed to do it again. So, with a heavy heart I went out for a walk Monday to "test the water" so to speak. I did a mile just to see how the foot would do. Surprisingly, the foot wasn't too bad. Everything else hurt, but the foot pain was minimal. So, that was encouraging. Tues, Wed. and Thurs. I did not walk. It was icy outside and I hadn't been to the Wellness Center yet to pay my $50 so I could use the indoor track for 4 months. I needed to wait till I got paid Thursday. So, Friday afternoon, I forced myself to the gym. I paid my money and set off on a two mile walk. That was the goal I set for myself. I am happy to report that I made it. The first mile was somewhat torturous, but the 2nd was easier and I felt proud that I had completed it. So, I decide that I will just count that as my "big" walk for the week and break myself in easy. I was supposed to do 3 today and then 4 the next two weeks. In my mind, it made more sense to go 2, 3, 4, so that's what I had decided to do.

Well, I woke up this morning and thought, "Kelley, you need to get to the gym." I decided I didn't want to start the training off by making excuses and allowances so I needed to grit my teeth and do 3 today. I put it off till 12:30 but finally got myself out the door. As I was walking that first mile, I thought, 3 was going to be pretty hard to achieve. I was hurting, but I realized that I had something this time around that I didn't have last time...the knowledge that I can do way more than I ever thought I could. I proved that to myself last year. I can dig deep and fight through pain, so I became determined then to complete the 3 and to be no longer than a 19 min. mile. That's slow, but faster than the 20 min. miles I started out with last year. I was on lap 15 of 33 when the gal at the desk asked me if I realized they closed at 1:00. It was 5 after. I quickly grabbed my coat and keys and was out the door. (feeling a little like I had been saved.) I was consoling myself with the fact that I had done the first mile in 19 min. as planned and was well into my 2nd mile realizing that the pain was easing up and I had no doubt I could finish the 3 miles.

On my way home, while stopped at 50th and Harmon, I saw a girl walking. She was bundled up but moving right along and then I knew what I had to do. I rushed home, pulled on my heavy sweatshirt and a scarf and headed out the door. I needed to get another mile and 6 tenths in. I knew exactly where I needed to walk to get that, so off I went. It was easy to finish that last half of today's walk...probably easier than if I had stayed at the gym going round and round. I kept my pace and the pain subsided the longer I walked...just like it did last year.

So as I was walking, I was doing a little comparing. I was making a mental checklist of what was the same as last year and what was different. Here's what I came up with.

SAME:
1.The first mile or two still hurt. The pain in my shins, calves, and sometimes back is enough to draw tears...BUT, just like last year, if I can fight through it, it eases up after that and gets better.

DIFFERENT:
1. I am doing this on my own. Best friend is not available to walk with me this year. There were walks especially the first several that she literally talked me through. This year, I'm going on the knowledge that I can do this. I know my abilities are more than I give myself credit for.

2. There were no tears on walk 1...just determination.

3. I am faster starting out than I was last year. Hoping to be faster overall this year.

4. I don't feel an overwhelming sense of fear that I will fail. I know I can do it!

I'm sure there are even more. I also want to say here at the end, that I'm thankful for that "trap of commitment" I feel to my sister. I probably wouldn't have started this week without it and maybe wouldn't have done it at all, but now, I feel excited and motivated! I have felt like a failure for a while now, but as I begin AGAIN, I realize that I'm only a failure if I fail to keep trying. I will not quit this fight. I am still trying to give it to Jesus and I know that someday with His help, I'm going to win this fight over weight.

AWAL

So...I guess I kind of went AWAL for a while. Life has been interesting the last few months. I have been attending a Bible study by Beth Moore at church on Wed. nights. It has been AMAZING! Really, honestly, life changing. So, the problem is...my weight loss journey has been on hiatus. It's like I have come to grips with a lot of areas. I've given them all to Jesus, but I hold onto the weight issue like a lifeline. It's like I'm afraid to turn it over for fear He'll actually help me! How stupid is that?! Well, last week, I finally decided it was time. Giving God this weight battle, is something I have never done. I know that seems crazy...why wouldn't I be praying for His help all these years? But I haven't. I have always tried to do it myself. Well, we see how well that has turned out. It's like I have always felt that this was my mess. I created it and God has bigger things to worry about than me controlling my eating. So, daily I'm trying to turn it over. And it is literally a daily decision to turn it over. I haven't been perfect, but better. I also decided that my goals are way too lofty. I am always focused on the full amount of weight and I want to lose it all in less than a year. But I realized yesterday that I have gone almost 14 years fighting this and I've never reached that goal. So, why not make it more manageable. Maybe just a pound a week. If I could do that, I'd be down 52 lbs by next year. That would be huge. It's hard to think it might take two years to get it all off, but if I don't do this, I could be two years down the road and have lost nothing. So, that's my new goal. I want to lose 3 lbs. by Thanksgiving. And then 3 more by Christmas. Doesn't seem like much, but it's better than gaining which is the where I'm headed if I don't turn this train around. Actually there I go again, saying I'm going to turn it around, actually, God is going to help me turn it around. I can't do it...that's evident. It's gonna have to come from Him!

What Have You Done Today to Make You Feel Proud?

These are the words to the theme song for the Biggest Loser. Tonight as I'm watching the show, it dawns on me that my answer to that question is... very little. I'm about as low as I can go right now. I am like a train wreck. I'm still working out...that would be the little that I am proud of, but other than that, I'm ashamed. This blog was easy to write when I was super motivated and proud of my progress. I haven't wanted to post in the last couple of weeks because I didn't want to be honest about my failures. But, it's time to face the music. I need and covet any prayers you can send my way. Satan is doing a number on me right now, and it's only through prayer that i'm going to make it.

I've Got Nothing...

My Dad reminded me yesterday that I haven't been posting very regularly. Well, part of that is because the well has dried up. I've Got Nothing...as they say. I haven't lost a pound in over a month. I've continued to exercise and be active, but I obviously am eating enough to offset that effort. :( I don't really feel like I'm eating that poorly, but I guess I am because I don't know how else a person can exercise as much as I am and not lose weight. So, here I am at the end of summer (school starts tomorrow) and I lost 5 lbs., not 20 like I wanted. I've yet to get through that set of 10 so I could buy myself some treat. Very discouraging. I don't want to give the impression that I'm giving up. I definitly am not. I'm hoping with routine, will come some results. Hopefully packing my lunch for school will help me to eat better and be more consistent. My goal of running the 5K has also been derailed. I hurt my heel a couple of weeks ago racing my niece and nephews. It is still giving me problems and definitly changed what I can do in the category of cardio workouts. I have trouble walking and running on it. My personal trainer, Mary, says it could take up to 6 weeks to heal and of course that's assuming, I don't do anything stupid to injure it more...like wear stupid shoes. (which I tend to do) :) So, I guess I feel a little behind right now, but not totally defeated. (BTW- I don't really have a personal trainer, just a really good friend who is a highly talented athletic trainer.) I would love to post fabulous news in the coming months, so please add me to your prayer lists. This is a harder battle than most would think and it's going to take more than just my efforts to get the job done.


Kelley

Progress

Well, I've had a successful week so far. The extra pounds from Nashville are gone...which tells me they were mostly water. I've had good workouts this week and have done pretty well with my eating. I realized that I didn't drink hardly any water the whole time I was at home and in Nashville. I drink tons of water every day, so I'm sure that was the reason for my huge gain. I feel much better. Now if I can just keep going in the downward direction instead of stopping. My workout schedule will be changing starting next week because Sue goes back to school on Monday. So, my workout partner won't be available till after school. The next Monday, I go back, so it's time to get back into that school year routine anyways. I've been so faithful this summer...getting up early to go and get it over with. Hope I can be just as faithful once school starts and I'm feeling tired. I know it will be easy to skip on those days when I'm feeling tired from getting back into the school routine. I'm hoping my eating can be more disciplined this school year. The teacher's lounge is a very bad place for me. I was talking to a few of my teacher friends who share my struggle and we all agreed to bring more healthy options to share on those days when we need a "carry-in." Well, I have lots to do today so I'd better get to it. Have a good day everybody!

Detour

Well, I feel like my journey has taken a BIG detour...I think I'll still reach my destination, just much later than I intended. I just got home from a weekend trip to Nashville with Mom and Andrea. We had a blast, but I was horrified when I got on the scale this morning! So, off to the gym I went with my injured foot and a heavy heart. Very discouraging, but I am determined to get back on the main highway!

No Time

I'm not sure why I've had no time to update, but that's how it's been. As I stated in my last post, life has been crazy busy the last couple weeks. I am frustrated beyond measure that I haven't lost any more weight, but I have continued to be faithful in my workouts. I guess they've kept me from gaining weight with all these special occassions and get togethers. It's funny...I thought eating right was hard during the school year and couldn't wait for summer...now I think it'll be easier once school starts since I'll be in more of a routine. Wow...guess it's just never easy. I need to be more disciplined in both situations. My internet cord is broken so I have to update at Sue's which is making it less convenient. Hopefully I'll get a new cord soon. I'll post pictures of all my fun stuff when I do.

Crazy Busy!

Life has been a little nuts! I had a garage sale last weekend...I sold my car on a whim...but made a killer deal! I've been car shopping the last few days since being carless is a little inconvenient. I am buying a Pontiac G6 and love it! I've worked out hard the last two mornings. I cleaned my house like mad this morning so my niece won't be crawling on dirty floors. I'm leaving in 1 hour to go to Columbus with my dear friend Kismet for the Billy Joel/Elton John concert. (Yahoo!) We're spending the night with my sister and then I'm bringing Kenzie home with me tomorrow. I'll head back to Dayton on Sat. for my cousin's wedding and to return Kenzie and then I'm hosting a big cookout for all my school friends on Sunday evening. I need a nap just reading this back to myself!

I'm in a holding pattern again with the weight, but I'm doing well with my exercise and not too bad with my eating. The weekend wasn't great because of my birthday and other get togethers I attended, but I'm back on it this week. Life is good. :)

Reflections

The rain is ruining my garage sale and I have money to make!!! Grrr! Yesterday was my birthday and I was running the garage sale, so I didn't have time to post. It was a great day. I sold my car which was a awesome! I was just putting it out to get some idea what the interest was and it sold on the first day! Now, i guess I need to start car shopping. I'm lucky to have a best friend who has an extra car. Think she'll let me drive the Mustang? Ha! No way! But, I'll take what I can get. Life is going great.

As I reflected yesterday on my last year, I was very pleased with the year. I've lost 30 lbs in the last year. I've made major changes in my life that I never thought I'd make. God has been so good to me this last year. I have no complaints. I'm excited to see what this year holds. What new challenges, what changes? I don't feel a bit sad about this birthday. I think I might have been depressed about another year older if these positive changes weren't taking place, but as it is, I'm excited to see what I can accomplish in this next year. It's amazing what a little change in mindset can do for you. I hope everyone is doing well and has a great weekend!

I did it!!!!

I lost the pound and now I'm in a new set of numbers! hallelujah! Great workout today and then spent all day working in the garage. Running a rummage on Friday and Sat. Hope to make a mint! :)

2 lbs gone!

Well, I achieved one of my goals so far this week. The two lbs I gained are gone. Now, I just need to drop one more! I did 30 min. on the Elliptical this morning. This is just my 2nd time to go that long. Boy does it kick my butt! I am exhausted, but in a good way.

Thinking about this journey I'm on...I can really tell a difference in my mindset this time. In the past it's always been a "diet" with the goal of losing X number of pounds. This time, I'm not on a diet. I have no prescribed eating plan...just better choices and good old fashioned exercise. The results are slower, but I'm not quitting either. I have bad days, but I get right back to it the next. In the past a bad day would signal the end of my effort. Of course, I'd love to see the weight come off faster, but I'd also like to see it stay off for good and I think this is the only way that is going to happen. I have a birthday coming up and I've decided to make my lowfat/low calorie cheesecake for myself. I don't think getting older is a good reason to sabbotage my efforts but a good reason not to. :)

Paying for the 4th!

Oh Boy! I am paying for the 4th (and 5th) today! It was like I had lead in my shoes. I'm up 2lbs which I am bound and determined to get off plus one this week. I will be good and disciplined if it kills me! No skimping on my exercise either! Pray that I can get my focus back.

Oops...the Gym was closed!

So, this morning, Sue and I headed to the gym for our typical Friday workout only to discover that the gym is closed for the 4th holiday. So, we decided to head out to Matter Park, the site of my mini training. One trip down and back is 4.5 miles and includes a pretty serious hill. Sue was pacing us pretty fast, so I decided to try to do some running. Well, I ended up running close to half. I would run beside her for a while, then I'd walk. I'd fall behind because she was walking fast and then I'd run to catch up. I'd run ahead and then walk till she caught up. I'd try to walk about 2-3 min. and then run 2-3 min. I managed to do that for the whole walk. I also chose to run up the hills...for some reason it seems easier to me than walking them. I was pretty psyched about my progress. The best part...no pain in my shins, knees, or ankles. I felt great! Being a person who needs constant affirmation, I asked Sue if she was amazed and she said she was. She admitted that she impressed and proud that I've stuck with the exercise. She had her doubts based on my past history. She asked me at one point if I thought I'd be a walker or a runner once I got the weight off. I don't know. I never thought I'd like to run, but it is kind of addictive I think. I hope everyone has a great 4th holiday!

Back on the Horse!

Well, it's been a crazy week! The kids were here and we had a ball! Literally, one of my favorite times with them. They got along with each other, I was calm, and it was sunny every day they were here! This morning as I hit the gym for the first time in a WEEK! I had to smile as "Living on a Prayer" came on my mp3 player. I was running on the treadmill (yes I was dying after not running for a week), but all I could hear was Zeke singing this song at the top of his lungs. Made me smile in the midst of agony. :) Actually the workout felt great. It was good to get back to it and I was pleasantly surprised to see that I had lost a pound this morning. It's only took 2 weeks! So, I guess I'm officially at 28lbs. My plan for the rest of this cold, grey day: work on my weeds. Great day to do it since the sun isn't shining. ;(

Derailed

Well, at least it feels that way! I haven't been to the gym for two days and probably won't get back there until the kids go home. But, I think swimming for about 5 hours today has to qualify as exercise. I definitly wasn't laying on a raft!!! Might try to go Monday with the youngins, we'll just have to see. Loving having them here...never a dull moment and nearly a laugh a minute!

Where Does Exercise Hurt...Everywhere

Who does exercise hurt...everyone! Just had to make a little fun of one of my favorite commercials. I hurt from top to bottom today. Had a great workout this morning. Did 3/4 of a mile running and felt pretty good. I did the first half without too much trouble. Was wanting to run a whole mile, but it just wasn't going to happen. I was pooped. Have been painting the rest of this day. Have done two coats and painted a door. I have blisters on my fingers and I hurt everywhere, so I'm pretty sure painting counts as extended exercise. Now, I am off to clean up my house for tomorrow the kids come and Friday mom and dad come. Tonight, Sue and I are refurbishing my fire pit, so there is no rest for the weary in sight. Feels great to be working hard though. Still haven't dropped any more weight which is about to send me off the deep end, but I'll keep plugging. It's bound to happen eventually.

Alternative Exercise

That's what I'd like to call painting. Today I didn't work out, but I helped Sue paint for a couple of hours. I'm hoping that counts. Tomorrow morning, I'll be at the gym bright and early. :)